Should we keep on being told?
The past seven weeks, ever since my mum suffered a series of strokes after suffering the first last year, have been very difficult. On Friday I had a call from one of her doctors to say that she had deterioriated in the past twenty-four hours and they thought she would only have a days left, at most. I reminded the doctor that this was the third time to have been advised of this in the past seven weeks. The first time I got into a panic and raced up to Manchester. The second time I was accepting and prepared. Now this, the third time, has got me thinking, 'and?' It got me wondering as to what purpose it serves to be told that your mum is dying, not once, but three times? It's in stark contrast to my Dad's death last March. He had been in hospital for seven months and, whilst he was very sick, he was still sending my sister to the betting shop and keeping up-to-date on what horses were running and when. So when I suddenly received a telephone call to say he had died it was still a huge shock. But the grieving process kicked in as it surely does. In fact, I think I was rather comforted by the short, sharp, shock of his departure - it had been quick and sudden for him who had been so insistent that he was going to get out and get back to life as normal - even though he couldn't walk! In fact, I still don't feel as though he's 'gone' anywhere, he's still very much with me - although the one thing I miss about him the most is his voice - a West of Ireland brogue that wasn't even voiced much at the best of times. But my Mum? It feels like we are being pushed and pulled - back and forth through the emotional wringer. And to be honest I'd rather things went on as normal as possible - family visit her and we talk about her and how energetic she once was - until we are told that she has gone, and not that they think she's going, or going to go. We're all going, slowly, slowly, but we haven't gone until we're gone, and so it has to be the same for our Mum. I know the doctors have a job to do in notifying us - but not when it sounds like a broken record.