There's not enough time to write and it's frustrating; but that's life when you have a full on full-time job. No time to stop and stare, which one also needs to write. I have, however, began work on revising half of my phd 'novel'. I've even given it a title: Bar-Chords on Barbed Wire. It's from a poem. It resonates. The imagery it conjures, as well as the attempt at sound, feel right for the story. It's currently at 28,350 words. I won't be padding it out, but I am l am looking to add another storyline to it that I wasn't able to whilst gearing it up for the viva. I'm hopeful about its potential - despite the time constraints. But I'm also trying to find time to run. This has to be the year for it. Lately I've felt it become much harder and in the first half mile I feel a surge of rage, which then settles down. I've been reading about breathing and stretching. I am realising that life - my life - needs several things running at once to feel whole. In the past I've focussed on one thing and told myself that was all that was needed. I now realise that in order to feel halfway whole I need exercise, hard work that helps me forget about myself (and which supports my life), periods of creativity and creation (writing), meditation and reflection (which includes reading - which is a meditation on a concept or an idea), good food, sleep, varying types of relationships with others - enough to feel connected - knowledge/learning, and leisure. (Not forgetting the chores, of course - cleaning, shopping, ironing).

I ran this morning, which was marginally better than last night's half run. I engaged in a short period of creativity. I had some leisure time (watched Al Pacino's Dog Day Afternoon). I got my stuff ready for work tomorrow. I had some connection with family. And I hope I'll get enough sleep. I'm also toying with the idea of joining the London Library. It's over £400 a year. But I tell myself that, whilst a fan of public libraries, this is different. It will be a cosy hideout to help me write. Better. Or something. At times like this I remind myself that I no longer drink or smoke and can splurge once in a while. We shall see.

I'm also reading Howard's End by Forster.


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