What next?

I thought this past week would be one of inspired (new) creation as far as my writing is concerned but that hasn't been the case. I spent a couple of days at the London Library, but no new writing was forthcoming. I got a stack of books out last weekend, only to return them on the Tuesday. And then I got another stack out, mainly on histories of mental illness - Roy Porter and Foucault. But they're not what I'm looking for. I thought that I'd return to my Mum's book - but it still feels... Undecided. Too early. Although it is there - brewing. But then a new idea struck me yesterday and I wrote the first few hundred words, but that doesn't feel like its going to gain pace. Perhaps it's the general mood I'm in. A bit indifferent. Unmotivated. Uninspired. And also the part of me that thinks: 'what's the point?' Time constraints loom overhead constantly. Trying to fit in as many of the things that constitute a 'life': work, friends, exercise, culture, creativity, etc, become just cards in a deck that are shuffled. This is life. Perhaps one makes time - finds time - when the will is alive? I've been here before - I shall keep flitting between things and wait. Failing that, I shall decide upon a project and apply myself. Not so easy to do with creative endeavours.

Today I'm off to spend the day in Kingston. It is the time to get my theses hard bound and gold-lettered!

Last night I went to see The Artist. Nearly everyone I know who saw it, loved it. I did. It was charming. I thought, I wonder how the project was pitched. Such are the risks. I kept thinking throughout 'no-one knows anything' with regards to films, books, whatever. One could almost pick any subject - any story - execution is all. The Artist, though, followed a traditional narrative - star is humbled by progression, overtaken by the new, full of pride, reaches rock bottom, is 'rescued'. It all works out in the end.

The same could not be said of another film I saw this week: Martha Marcy May Marlene. I'm not sure I've got the names in the right order. Elizabeth Olsen is captivating in this American movie with an indie feel. It stars my new favourite actor, John Hawkes, who played Teardrop in Winters Bone. In MMMM (!) he plays Patrick, a cult leader. Elizabeth Olsen flees the commune/cult, despite having fallen for the dangerously manipulative Hawkes. She is taken in by her preppy older sister and it becomes clear that they've not seen each other for years. Olsen's 'issues' are revealed, whilst highlighting at the same time some of the questionable mainstream norms of her sister and brother-in-law's privileged lives. But Olsen already knows too much about Hawkes, and she fears, yet also desires, him to come and rescue her. Does he?

I've been dipping in and out of Sebald's Austerlitz. I so want to immerse myself in it, but find it too distanced. A third of the way in and I find that I can't 'feel Austerlitz, mediated as he is. I have also been sent a review copy of a new book by Patrick Kavanagh, Iceberg (Honest Publishing). So we'll see how that goes.


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